she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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