she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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