I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize