Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
