How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
