i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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