had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
