I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just high enough for therapy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
