You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
