i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize