I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
