I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
babies were throwing up all over the place
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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