Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
