dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
