Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
