I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
