Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have demons in me.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
