I am puke
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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