Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
