currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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