Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
