Duck Duck Cougar?
You can't motorboat a personality
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
