I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
