if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
