The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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