do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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