shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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