so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
