So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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