Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
