if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize