She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
