We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
