come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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