oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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