Taylor Swift is so right about you.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
