she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
