Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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