I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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