She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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