So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize