the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sorry my hands just texted you
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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