I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
