i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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