does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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