just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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