you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
