i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
