my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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