tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
so much tequila, so little girl.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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