what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
