I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
