im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize