the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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