so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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