I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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