Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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