Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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