Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize