His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
