Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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