Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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