He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And then my night got REAL pukey
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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