ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
