their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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