hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
