my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
