I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
